


To shield my heart

by Littled



Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-03
Updated: 2015-02-03
Packaged: 2018-03-10 08:38:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3283997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littled/pseuds/Littled
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A dabble about how Charles felt between FC and DOFP</p>
            </blockquote>





	To shield my heart

Part of Charles realized they were gone, but the majority of his mind was trapped in a loop of shock. He couldn't feel his legs. That just didn't seem right. There was horrible pain in his back and stomach, as if someone had spend hours kicking him like Cain used to. But then there was nothing. Shock can do strange things to a person. Charles feels out of touch with everything and everyone around him. Part of him curls into a ball inside his head and screams while another pushes the limit of his ability to reach out and take control of a sailor long enough to get a boat on the beach.

_Get them home. Get them safe._

* * *

 

That small part that curled into a ball stays curled into a ball. He doesn't have the luxury to be weak anymore. He tried to shield Raven and not only failed her but pushed her away. He thought he had found a friend, a brother, in Erik only to drive him away as well. As Charles sat in his chair behind his desk and let his mind slide over the other minds inside the mansion like fingers over piano keys, his loneliness sucked at him. The absence of Raven's familiar presence and Erik's strong mind always triggered a moment of panic at moments like this. _Where are they? What if they are hurt? Alone? Raven isn't bullet proof. So easy to hurt. Shaw could have Killed Erik. Erik nearly killed himself. No invulnerable._

Charles mind reached out and wrapped around the minds near him and reached out to the grounds around the mansion looking for any kind of threat, until he was able to calm his pounding heart and relax his clenched fists.

* * *

 

"Oh God. Charles. Erik. The president." Hank's face was twisted in horror and disgust.

"We don't know that for sure" Sean, ever the peacemaker, looked from face to face around the room. "We should meet with him. Maybe he can explain."

"No."

"But they are going to lock him away. Without a trial."

"No."

"It is where he belongs." Hank snarls.

_No. He is where he will be safe. And maybe without him pushing her, Raven will be safe. Maybe she will come home._

* * *

 

The first to go are the teachers who believe it is their duty. There are three of them. Charles doesn't argue. No one thought the war would last. No one thought the war would be the way it was. Charles knew. He felt the minds and hearts of the men and women who had lived through the last war. But he feared driving everyone else away as he had driven Raven and Erik away. Driven them straight into danger. So he lets them go and spends his nights in Cerebro. He nudges a mind here, a mind there. 

_Safe. Keep them safe. A post in Germany. A tour in Alaska._

Then the younger ones are called home as fathers and brothers are called up. Then the draft hits. Sean and Alex. Charles offers to help them leave the country. Alex is stubborn and won't listen. He can handle it. They fought Shaw and his lackeys. Didn't they? Sean wasn't about to let Alex run off by himself. They were a team. Teams stuck together. 

_I could make them run. I could make them be safe. Send them to England. They would know. I would have to change who they are. I would do that. It would keep them safe._

Charles lets them go and starts spending every waking hour in Cerebro. He stops being Charles. He is a presence that wraps around Sean and Alex in the jungles. A presence that nudges memories of Erik's mother to the surface in dark moments in a featureless hole in the ground. He is the presence that tells Alex to stay down as bullets rip through the others in his squad. He is the corporal whose legs are blown off, the vietnamese woman whose skin in burning, the boy bleeding to death under a bush. It takes him a week to remember who he is when Hank shuts the power off and refuses to turn Cerebro back on. Charles lashes out at him, barely stopping before crushing his mind. 

Hank creates the serum to give Charles back the ability to know who he is and to walk. The last time Charles connects with Cerebro he watches Erik through the eyes of a guard.

_I failed everyone else, but you are safe. I hate/love you. You took everything from me. Even myself._

* * *

 

The serum shuts his mind down. It frees him from the pain and suffering of the world around him. Whiskey frees him from the pain and fear and anger inside.


End file.
